Ordinary Days....

Wow. I'm actually writing alot lately. Today I just want the world to know that I am greatful for ordinary days, because it can change all too quickly. A friend of mine found out that her 2 1/2 year old neice was diagnosed with cancer, her poor family just thought that she had a stomach bug of sorts.... its stage 4 and all through her. So sad. Ty is just 6months older than her. At what point is it that you look at your children & say ahh.... it okay, your a healthy happy child & you will grow up to be a happy healthy adult, then suddenly as you can snap your fingers it changes.

Then today I get the news that a co-worker of mine from Dr. Poulin's passed away. He was in his early 50's & had a heart attack on his way in to work. He was such a super person... really nice, fun, always smiling.
I can't imagine, starting out my day... getting ready for work... rushing out the door & dying alone on the way. Its tragic, but we all do it. We rush here, rush there, are sure that we'll return to the same monotonous day later & take it all for granted. Its like some sort of false sence of security that we all fake. We hurry out, becuase something else takes precedence, which is fine... that's part of life, but really, I think we all take for granted that things will be the same when we get back. I'm greatful for my family, for the fact that in my head I've decided that I will not die alone in my car, on my way to work. I am greatful that I have ordinary days, where life isn't constantly crazy, that it is in a sense Ground hogs day... & we repeat the same old same old... because someday, whether we choose to believe it or not, it won't be. I am the first to admit that I hate change, though lately its dawning on me that I have to get used to it. Change is inevitable, whether I like it or not. So I might as well, not take this life I have for granted.

To work or not to work.... that is the question

So, ordinarily I don't post this much, but since Ty is napping (I hope) & I had something on my mind, I thought I would... besides this is my "journal" right?

Anyhow... I got called into the office yesterday, my boss has pretty much stated that she wants me to go full time. She's pleased with my work, and could really used my help etc..... For most people this probably would be a great thing, especially since work is so hard to come by for so many people. But... for me its a bit harder than that. I'm not so sure that I could handle it. I sound like a bit of a baby, but I haven't worked full time since Scott & I were married nearly 7 years ago. On top of that, with all that I went through to have Ty I know that I need to treasure the time that I have to spend time with him. There are perks to going a full 40 hours though, Great insurance, better retirement, more money coming into the house which will help us immensely. I just am worried about the toll it will take on my family. I'm not so sure how Ty would handle being with a sitter that often. I feel like until Scott's job situation stabilizes that this might be the blessing we've been waiting for, though I'm concerned that it could also be a test to see which I'll choose, work or family. Until now, I've felt that working part time was really the best of both worlds. I deal horribly with change, but am afraid that its an opportunity that i can't afford to pass up right now. The good thing is, it wouldn't begin until August, so that will leave me most of the summer (a month and a half) to spend with Ty.

I really feel as though I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. It would be great if this change were to happen next year, when Ty would begin Pre-K for half of the day, but that's not the case.

I suppose I have a hard decision to make.... I just hope its the right one. Wish me luck~

Oh, here's a more recent picture of him too... he's not paying any attention, my sister in law took it at a family BBQ.

Primary

Well, I survived. I know it probably sounds dorky but I was feeling nervous about it all week. Ty refused to go into nursery so he tagged along with me, which may not be so bad since he'll be in there in December. I'll be his sunbeam teacher... that may be tricky since he's so clingy with me, but it may be a good transition for him.
Singing time was neat. They teach the kids one line at a time, so maybe I'll learn some of the primary songs. Then we did a little craft with them for fathers day. I'm not sure if this is the norm, so just because it was a special day. After that we went to our individual classes. I learned that 40 mins is a long time to occupy small children, this is probably going to be the biggest challenge for me. There are about 4-5 kids that will be in there, one of the little girls took me right by the hand, which made me feel great, since I've never thought of myself as someone who little children are drawn too. After the lesson we went in for closing exercises with all of the children from Primary, that again was nice, They had new children so they sang some sort of Welcome song, that everyone seemed to know. I actually felt out of place, then they sang happy birthday, so I thought great... I know happy birthday... but not this version, that's when I wanted to cry. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it & feel better soon. I'm going to search online for ideas for the kids & the neat thing is that I have Ty & we can learn together. There is a great presidency so that will make it nice. They are all women that I feel very comfortable with, they all have great personalities and are so sweet to the children. Like anything new it just takes time to adjust. With team like that I'm sure I'll love it before long. :o)

Father's Day

So, Father's Day.... it was interesting. Ty woke up early all on his own, which was miraculous since we'd been out WAY to late the night before. He was so sweet.... he went into our bedrooms with his cards in hand & woke up his Daddy. Here's the funny part, he climbed up on our bed & said "Happy Mother's Day Daddy" of course, I got quite a kick out of it. Scott said what did you say? Again Ty proclaims "Happy Mother's Day Daddy!" I proceeded to laugh even harder. Once again Scott says's do you want to give it one more try? Again Ty says's "Happy Mother's Day!!!" I was laughing hysterically by this point. Perhaps no one out there besides me thinks that this is comical, but he was so sweet & sincere wishing his dear 'ol dad a happy day. I took him into the store to get Father's Day cards & it really made me notice just how big he's getting... he picked out the card all by himself. The two of us looked so funny there in the card isle, laughing at the cards & each other. It would have made a great commercial for hallmark.

On another note, a sadder one, this Father's day was difficult for me at church. One of the speakers spoke about her father who had passed on, while she was young. This really tucked at my heart. My Dad is still alive, but My step-dad, the man who was so active in my life & does all things that dad's do isn't, unfortunately it was by his own choice. I was 7months preg. when I got "the" phone call as to what had happened. Most days are good, & I don't get chocked up like I used to, but listening to that talk really got me. Scott was sweet & drove me by our old house on our way home from church. My sister's and I will usually put flowers there. The odd thing is that when we drove by Ty said... "That house is bad" Its almost like he sensed it all. At times I fell like I'm drawn too all that though, and all of the sad memories. Like I'm going to somehow discover all of the answers I want. Though the fact of the matter is, its not going to happen. I suppose the time has come to put all of that in the past. Its sounds so much easier that it actually is. I try so hard to understand... but I'm not sure that I ever will. SO I focus on Scott & Ty and try to appreciate them being in my lives. I am so grateful for them, they bring so much happiness to me & cloud so much sadness.
I know the Lord put them in my life to help me through such difficult times, & for that I am truly grateful.

Excited but Terrified

Well, I've felt a feeling of change recently where church is concerned. So, I wasn't surprised when I was called into the Bishop's office & asked if I would accept a new calling. My current calling has been a teacher in the Relief Society, I've had that for about 5 years???? I've loved my calling. I remember the first day I stood up there shook like a leaf, and lord knows that I've shed more than one tear standing up there in front of the class. I am so sad that I'm being released. I'm also sad that I'll no longer be sitting in Gospel Doctrine class with Scott. I've really enjoyed just having him next to me. It seemed that for so long I was by myself in there, and now that he's joined the church I feel whole. I understand that so many people are separated while spouses are doing callings and serving one another, but now I'm part of that group, and change is so hard for me. I'm sure that the day will come when I'm released from my new calling and will be saddened over that too.
So, my new calling.... is in.... Primary... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH... is it crazy that I'm petrified? I'll be teaching the Sunbeams? I think? its the first class out of nursery. I didn't go through primary, obviously, so I have no clue what the songs are, what sharing time is, etc. etc... I'll be Ty's teacher next year, so that'll be interesting. Wish me luck!

Too Cute

Ty's been cracking us up lately. It must be his age & the fact that his wheels are constantly turning. Yesterday we went to Grandma's after church, his Aunt Jodi was getting a glass of Ginger Ale, which Ty loves though he gets it rarely. I asked him if he would like "a little" he replied. "No, I want a big one" it may not be that funny to the rest of the world but the way he said it and his mannerisms really got us laughing. I love those kind of days.

Its funny too the way his mind is constantly working. We were playing on his bed the other day & he tenderly reached over to touch my eyebrows, and asked. "Mommy does Heavenly Father & Jesus have eyebrows?" I explained that they do, and that we look just like them. What a great teaching opprotunity.

I've noticed several of my other friends have such nice blogs. I need to figure this whole thing out a little better. Not that I really believe too many people are reading it & are disappointed in my layout. :o) Maybe someday I can figure out how to print it into some sort of book & then have it as my journal, since I'm not so good at keeping one of those.

Well, life for us lately is pretty routine. We've planted our garden (the first one since we've lived here) & have been enjoying the nicer weather. Ty's loving the fact that he can pee outside. He's truly a country boy. The other day Scott was doing yard work, Ty was out with him (of course) & some people were driving by waving & smiling. Scott turned around to find Ty with his pants down to his ankles peeing & waving proudly to the people. He cracks us up. He waves to everyone & loves when they wave back. or when the occassional semi will toot their horns. :o)

Ty's is growing so quick & has such a sweet personality. On days when I don't have to work he'll usually hollar out to me & say " mommy... come wake me up" he loves when I run in & kiss him all over. I may have already written this but I just love it. So I apologize if that's the case. :o)


The other neat thing is that he really is paying attention to things lately... both the good and the bad. While we were making cookies the other day he says..."Mommy, Heavenly Father & Jesus love me." I said glowingly "Yes, Ty your right... who else loves you?" he replied "Daddy & Sister Garry" . Sister Garry is our ward Primary President, & I believe Ty's new crush. She has 3 young children & they all love coming to our house & playing in the pond, but I have a feeling that Ty enjoys it more. A few weeks ago we had a similar converstation. We were riding in Scott's truck so we were all in the front & Ty was holding my hand, I told him that I loved him, & he said . "I love you too mommy" I said... who else do you love, I assumed he might say Daddy, or grandma you know the usual... instead he says "Sister Garry" I had quite a chuckle.

On another note, Ty goes to my Great Aunt & Uncles house 1-2 per week. Poppy as we call him has all kind of "great" things to teach Ty. For instance, when Ty began going there if he did anything inappropriate, he'd say "Excuse me" now Poppy has taught him to say "That's a good one" while holding up his thumbs. Nice huh? And that's not all. Ty spent the evening with Grandma & Grandpa the otehr night. When he asked Grandma Sue what happend to her screen she explained that the neighbors cat had climbed up to it & put several small holes in it. His reply "Damn Cat" That's right... our dear Poppy has taught Ty to say just about anything in that context... "Damn________fill in the blank (cat, dog, people if their riding in the car etc.) The worst part is that he does it so inoccnetly. I its pretty hard to repremand him when all you want to do is laugh. What's a mother to do? :o)

Scott & I have been doing well too. He hasn't heard anything about the Sherriff's Dept yet, but we know that if its meant to be it will. He's back working at the Lumber mill. He was off for a few weeks & enjoyed some needed vacation. We went camping with our friends for Memorial day & If I were a much better mom I would have remembered the camera.
I've been trying something new too. Grinding wheat. For alot of people this is probably nothing new, but I like it. I've been making all of our bread & even made whole wheat half moons & took them into work. They loved them.