A change.

I've been thinking to myself that I need a new start, I began thinking this way before my surgery and razzing Scott a bit that while I was in surgery he could feel free to go get my "new start ring" aka anniversary band. We've been married 7 years & together 10 and boy oh boy have we been through a lot. I was looking at this surgery & the past 10 years as an end to one chapter and the start of another. Many of the past 10 weren't how I would have planned things but he "new" me is thinking that it is what it is & I need to move on & make the best out of the next 10. I really am a visual person & thought that 10 yrs is significant & that wearing a ring would be neat. I also thought that when I felt down, sad, less than worthy of happiness I could look down at it and remember that I have all I truly need in life; someone who has stood by my side, who has for some reason chosen to love me like I can't love myself, a wonderful son; who blesses me each day with his grins & giggles; true friends & my faith. So with all that how could I fail right?

So are you wondering if Scott got my ring. Well the answer is uh No, Maybe we'll get on our feet a bit more then I'll have my ring. I just told him we could keep saving longer & maybe I can get BIGGER Diamonds. :O) Plus, we have time for that.... the true thought is that I still have all of those things in my life & if I really wanted to I could put a rubberband around my wrist & it wouldn't change any of the blessings I have, no more than a ring would.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately, I really do feel like I need a change. The biggest being my wieght. I know that most of us feel like it would be wonderful to loose a few pounds but I am now 70 over weight... isn't that great. I'd like to loose 50. I'm trying to figure out how I got this way this is what I can think of...

1. I love/care for everyone else but myself.

2. I love to cook & eat

3. I am an emotional person & eater- if Im bored I eat, sad I eat, happy I eat... you get the point.

4. I lack ambition & know how

5. I think I was sad & depressed & didn't know how to get out of it.

6. I get discouraged easily.

7. I have hobbies that aren't active enough, reading, knitting, FB, Blogging... you name it.

8. I don't make time, & I don't use my time wisely (like now I'm writing about it instead of doing it)

9. I hold myself back

10. I don't know enough about nutrition. Fat/calories/ carbs... how to count them... blah, blah, blah


Now here are some reasons that I need to become healthy

1. The Lord has blessed me with Ty & I need to be an example. He learns from me.

2. I need to realize that I am worth it.

3. I need to learn to make myself as much as of a priority or I won't be here for my family

4. I don't want to be sick, have back aches, diabetes, etc... & that will happen if I don't take care
of myself.

5. I would love to run, I don't know how, I look funny doing it... but I think it would be absolutely amazing if I could run a 5k someday.... but for now I'd be happy with a mile... shoot... for now I'd be happy with a 1/2 mile. :O)

6. I need to live in the present... there is nothing I can do about the past. Its gone & the future isn't here, I need to be present in today, not what should have been or what can be, what is... because today is all we are guaranteed... ( wow... that sounds good. huh? )

7. I don't want to let Scott down by dying much too young simply because I wouldn't love myself enough to make sure I was here to grow old with him.

Well, that's it for now. I need to rethink the way I think, then maybe it will all fall into place, I'm hoping to take baby steps. I have nothing to loose...well... actually I do... 50 of 'em. :O)